11.17.2024 time has paradoxically been moving too fast or too slow.
all the reasons i haven't been writing in, is because my life is hot mess at work.
i've been a good busy consumer but all this work has made jack dull.
and full of spite. so i'm on the search for new work - paranoid that the next place is out to abuse me next.
enough with that. art is arting. i'm making stuff. just stuff. gestating. gathering.
i'm kind of mad that i have to look back here only to realize i still haven't gotten any of the things i was
set out on doing - yet again i'm glad this is the one place holding me responsible for my own shit.
i admit that i just hadn't had the time as of late. some days i get home and i'm just too physically exhausted.
and on the weekend i'm trying so hard to just have a life or it's the only time to do chores.
no. it can't be like this. i can't. i won't. it's just not enough for me.
i mean. most of my life is simple living, but i'm not looking to live my life just by simply living.
ugh. i'm going to eventually going to get fed up enough that i'm not going to be in this bullshit circle of "too busy, not enough time".
note to self: stop seeking comfort from the mundane.
you are not comfortable. and you are not okay with it. you only tell yourself you're okay with it because
living minimally gives you the illusion that you're content.
but you're not. this isn't enough.
09.29.2024 oops. it's been... two months. but for a good reason. i haven't forgotten this site. not entirely at least.
it's a slow progress place. i come in. i write a few things. update here and there. then comeback another time.
a quick summary of a trip i might write out elsewhere
last week i was in berlin with my parents. unfortunatley it wasn't a lone trip by myself or with friends, so it was hard to get away from my parents and the things they wanted to do
or the things they couldn't agree to do. BUT that didn't stop me from enjoying what i could.
there weren't any plans on my behalf other than seeing a gallery and hitting up a record shop. i mostly wanted to get familiar with the life there and eat good food.
but let me tell you - there was a lot of art. both on the street and
the various museums throughout the city. my stepmother and i hit up two museums while we were there: the
alte nationalgalerie and the barberini.
if you were to know anything about me, in my highschool years i was very obsessed with romantic era art. so at the alte nationalgalerie, i got to see both caspar david friedrich and arnold böcklin's works.
i was stunned. still am. it wasn't something i was actively thinking i was going to see, but deep down i was hoping to in some kind of false hope. i was pleasently surprised.
i won't get too into detail now, but i just wanted to say a little about my trip. more importantly i have a few photos of the graffiti i saw in berlin that i'm really excited to put somewhere here.
so, note to self: do that.
admittedly, i'm a little behind on my creative efforts, but i'll hopefully compile something within the next month. a short summary of my trip in berlin and possibly something else on the side of that...
to be determined...
07.21.2024 good news - i've been making art this past month. i'm not ready to show anything but wheels are turning.
most of it is on procreate currently - collages of various old and new drawings made into new arrangments. i don't have an abundance of artwork yet
but i'm glad i've been able to invest some time into it whether it's successful or not.
this past week i just took out my scanner. i forgot how much i enjoy pulling from traditional mediums and manipulating them digitally.
i've said this so many times throughout the years, somehow i end up ditching the process later on... probably because i didn't think it was of
value to... audiences via social media... god i have a terrible way of devaluing my own fun...
anyway, i've been focusing on creating a small zine with all this. not sure what about yet. myself? being transmasc? life at work?
some culmination of all of the above? we'll see. i think i'll try an figure a theme/concept as i'm kind of mindlessly putting pieces together.
by the next time i post, i should have a page for the zine i inevitably create. i'll give myself a month deadline to get it done if i can.
at the very least i'll update where i am in the process.
06.22.2024 it's been two weeks since i put this page together.
unfortunatley, once i was "done", i kind of forgot my initial intentions with it.
ideas were running amok when i created this layout, but of course i lost track of them by the time i was finished.
that really frustrates me. though i know i haven't had a lot of time to do my own thing, so i can't be too hard on myself.
i think i'll focus on creating site pages throughout the week to place my projects into - that way when the weekend
comes around, i can focus on just artmaking. and when they're done, they have somewhere to be. hopefully?
words: piercing. tattoo gun. hair clippers. vibration. leather. boots. metal. steel. bondage.
sensory. pain. brusing. censor. numb. blood. sterlize. bathe. cleanse. water. thirst.
06.09.2024 i've just fixed up a new iteration of the log page layout. (
what you're looking at now...)
it's been hard trying to organize all my project ideas - so i'm going to start keeping track of my thoughts here.
moving forward, this page will be less of a diary and more of a personal digital interface. subject to change.
here are some goals:
- restructure overalls
- create more monoprints, try different techniques
- make a shirt
if i can manage to make these accomplishments within the year, i think that would satisfy my artistic endeavors...
